Originally published in Spark* student newspaper 7th March 2011. In order to fit this article into it’s section It had to be edited, here you see it in its entirety…
"All-in-one idiot suit"
I am no fashion expert. Hence I am normally confined to the ranting, shouting opinionated regions known as the comment or debate section. But onesies, come on! Even I, with my middle-of-the-road Primark attire, can feel safe to condemn these as the worst fashion statement since Ug boots. For those not familiar with these ludicrous garments, a onesie is essentially a unisex romper suit or babygrow, the only difference being they are aimed at a slightly less mature clientele, us students. Having perused the wastelands of the Internet, I found many companies selling these all- in- one idiot suits and soon spotted a pattern. The more these companies seemed to be targeting students, the more expensive the onesie became. One site was selling them from between £90- £110!!!
I’m pretty sure fashion designers systematically try one daft idea after another in the hope that one will catch on. In a flamboyant act of desperation somebody, has struck it lucky with the onesie. We are now so highly evolved as a race. We will now pay vast amounts of money simply to look ridiculous. There are so many cost-effective ways of looking a numpty, the cheapest being to turn up at lectures nude. This is bound to work, unless you’re in the art department. To achieve comparative weirdness there, simply don’t dye your hair crimson and just wear jeans and a t-shirt. Then, life will imitate art and the Art student’s eyes will follow you around the campus, with a Mona Lisa gaze.
So much of our time seems to be spent looking back on previous fashion fads and scoffing. “Denim jackets, Lycra, camouflage, animal print, chainmail armour, the 90s were ridiculous!” But look how far we’ve come. We’ve advanced so much; we’ve gone backwards to what we used to wear before we could speak. It makes me wonder what is going to be fashionable next, nappys? Mind you I could have done with a nappy the first time I witnessed an army of students sized babies marching through town. I find these garments quite sinister. They remind me of the film version of George Orwell’s 1984, in which citizens go about their drab business clad in identical boiler suits. Some of you reading this will be thinking, “What right does this sanctimonious son of a sausage have to judge my fashion sense and bludgeon my freedom of expression? If I want to wear a onesie, I will, SO THERE!” Fair point. Yet I feel when you look back at photographs of yourself, romping in your expensive play suit, you’ll wonder why you didn’t listen to the sound advice from the pages of Spark*.
Do you agree or disagree with me? Either way post a comment below.
Mind you, when you step back and detach yourself in this manner, everything seems ridiculous. A nice walk in the country degenerates into, “Well, I walked round and round some fields for two hours, got in the car and went home.” I’m going to bed is another good example. In reality “good night” equates to “I’m off to lie unconscious for eight hours on a piece of furniture specially designed for this purpose”. At least with sleeping, there is a medical/ scientific excuse for why it is not as daft as I’ve just described. However, when describing leisure activities, such as clubbing, we reach a new level of bonkers. Skiing- “I’m going to strap two fibreglass planks on my feet and go down a steep slippery mountain”, reducing a serious, respectable pastime to a frivolous act of silliness. In such a world, football can be held in no greater esteem than tiddlywinks.
ing on the radio in the vague hope something you like might be playing when, with a few clicks you can have all the songs you could possibly desire? In order to survive radio, has to be different to an ipod or spotify. First, radio needs to be presented by a personality. This is why I listen to Chris Moyle, even though I hate most of the music he plays, but it does not matter, as I find what he has to say interesting and funny. If radio is to offer something unique and different could the key to this be interactivity? The audience is no longer a collection of passive listeners sitting on some remote island called Listener land. The listeners are an integral part of your programme and in many respects they are the show.
I do not support the violence which took place during the university fees protest. I am, however, arguing against Edward’s imprisonment. With regards to this case, there is a complete lack of sensible, balanced opinion in the press and on-line. One cohort brandishes pitchforks screaming, “Throw away the key!” At the other end of the spectrum, Wollard is a hero who should have “killed a copper”. This latter opinion, I do not need to debunk as an underprepared police force had an arduous task that day.
does this mean for the radio industry? What does this mean for the many hopefuls, hungry for their first job on the air? I am no industry expert, simply an enthusiast/wannabe presenter but I will try and answer these questions.